Introduction

Unfortunately he called up

And said that he couldn't be here tonight for this concert

So now I actually don't have to do that routine

Which of course takes care of that

So, now I'm gonna do something else

By the way, we are going to have an intermission pretty soon

Don't you like intermissions?

Oh, I love them

Smoke a cigarette, walk around in the lobby

Meet friends and so and so

We are gonna have an intermission of about an hour and a half tonight

So that we really can get acquainted

So for my fourth and last number

I'm going to play excerpts from Rachmaninoff's second piano concerto

Number two that is

By Rachmaninoff of course, who also wrote the music for this concerto

This is a piano concerto for piano and concerto

And was originally written for approximately

Ninety-five piece symphony orchestra

Due to circumstances beyond my control

We seem to be approximately ninety-five pieces short

But you won't notice the difference because I play it very fast

This concerto was written in four flats because

Rachmaninoff had to move four times while he wrote it

And of course I play excerpts

I don't know the whole thing, that's all

The Steinway people have asked me to

Announce that this is a Baldwin piano

Pardon me for sitting down while I play

Pardon my back

Pardon my front

But that's the way I'm built

Speaking of pianos, many people have asked me

Why there are three pedals in these grand pianos

Well, the pedal in the middle is

There to separate the two other pedals

Which might be bad news for people with three feet