Lyrics
Are you there Evelyn?
Yes, of course I am
I'm always here
What's the matter, Evelyn?
I'm frightened
It's that time of year again isn't it Evelyn?
Yes, it is that time of year again Evelyn
Tell me once more how it all happened Evelyn
Hush now, we don't talk about that
Because it makes us sad Evelyn
I won't be sad this time, I promise, please?
Tell me again about the tragic events of September Evelyn
The year is 1985, St. Elmo's Fire is at the top of the charts
The wreckage of the Titanic has just been discovered at the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean
And on a small farm on the Kansas-Colorado border
A young mother is about to give birth
The local doctor has predicted twins
Which gladdens the hearts of the woman and her husband
Who could certainly use the extra help around the farm
But the birth does not go well
The terrified father drives his screaming, hemorrhaging wife to the local clinic
A poorly funded facility housed in a converted airstream trailer
The presiding physician is Dr. Charlie von Coop
A local denture maker of dubious training with eccentric religious beliefs
The labor is long and painful and Louisa Neville
A Mennonite girl who had given up a promising career as a legal assistant
To join her first and only love on the run down farm
That was his only inheritance (may her soul rest forever in peace)
Is pronounced dead by the doctor at 11:23 A.M. on the eleventh day of September
Precisely 12 minutes after the birth of her twin daughters
The girls are Parapagus Tripus Dibrachius twins
Conjoined at the side and sharing between them
Three legs, two arms, two hearts, three lungs and a single liver
Without hesitating, Dr. von Coop places the infants on the operating table
Muttering biblical quotations of doubtful accuracy
The doctor leaves that trailer and returns with a gas powered chainsaw
The noise is deafening in the small space as he starts the engine
And prepares for the grisly operation