Lyrics
I was at the airport the other day
I'm sick and tired of flying
I tell you what, airport security pisses me off
They got, you read about that paper
Their two little toddlers couldn't get on an airplane
Because their name matched somebody on the no-fly list
Good Lord, they're one year old
You know, you can tell the difference
Between a terrorist and a toddler
On a terrorist, the diaper is going to be on the head (oh, oh)
All right, that's how you can tell
Ain't that stuff? Unbelievable
They got absolutely nothing in common
Except for both diapers are full of crap
All right, that's what they got
I get so sick and tired of that political
Crack nonsense at the airport
Now, here's what they want to do
Instead of doing the right thing
Oh, this might cost $300 million
But here's what they're going to do
It's some machine they're trying to develop
That reads your mind when you go through it
They can actually see what you're thinking
Before you get on the plane
Yeah, that'll speed it up right there
I can see me at the airport
A long line of people behind me
What's going on? Oh, they got Larry the Cable Guy
And the head-reading machine over there
Right now, I guess he's got Heidi Klum
Bent over a truck bed, I guess (ho, ho)
Yeah, I'd be the most popular head at the airport
But I do like travelling around
We usually take a tour bus when we go
I like seeing the country
I love Pennsylvania
They got a town there, though, called Intercourse, Pennsylvania
Now, I'd been there once when I was a kid
And I got to tell you, it was kind of weird
I stepped into the wet spot when I got out of my car there
But my bus driver, we had to go through Intercourse
My bus driver's gay
Alright, I'm like, oh
We went ahead and went the back way
All right, that's what we did