A Bottle of Whiskey, A Bottle of Rum

'Twas the night before we marched, and my head was getting cloudy

The drinks were a-flowin' and the men were getting rowdy

As the room started spinning I sat down to watch the fun

It was then I remembered where I'd laid down my gun

In burst Sergeant Kerry, wide-eyed and wary, looking like he'd blown his fuse

He said, "Murphy, you fool, the side that claims you will be the one to lose

So I won't bring you to heel, I'll cut you a deal and leave you to your whiskey and beer

Go where the door shoves ya, I'll speak no ills of ya – as long you never say you were here"

A bottle of whiskey, a bottle of rum

One harmless mistake and me fighting days are done

But I swear to those poor sods, when I go abroad

I'll make it back with far fewer bullet holes

It's just like that old bastard to give me such a rub

So while the men marched to the shore, I marched to the pub

I said to Ciara, "would you kindly fill me glass?"

But she was busy telling all the men to stop staring at her…

Alas, I vow never to suffer poor service, so I took it upon myself

To venture to the storage room where she keeps the top shelf

Nectar of the gods, how sweet thine are, but in my haste for more

I stumbled on a bracket, made quite a racket, and a thousand gallons rushed across the floor

A bottle of whiskey, a bottle of rum

By my unwitting hands the pub has come undone

But I swear to the bar-a, and sweet Ciara

I'll pay my debt in full upon my return

I sauntered, dejected, down to the harbor

Hoping with me trinkets and change I could barter

When a raucous bunch of gentlemen, taken with me attire

They clubbed me with a poker they'd found by the fire

All was black, no memory came back, and I found myself in a cargo hold

I climbed to the deck, saw the flags a-flyin' and felt my blood turn ice-cold

A bottle of whiskey, a bottle of rum

A prisoner of war, what have I done?

I longed for the bar-a, and sweet Ciara

So I went down below to have a smoke and think

I reached in me pocket, delighted to see

They'd left my pipe to me

But as I raised a match, a man came down the stairwell

And I dropped it straight into a barrel

'Twas then I realized, to my great surprise, there was no whiskey in here

As the barrel started hissin', and then began a-whistlin', I could nary contain my fear

The first mate was shaken, so I ran straight past his sword

Made my way across the deck and overboard

With a rapid dash I made a splash and saw I'd been wise to split

For after a moment a biblical explosion blew the ship to bits

I caught a piece of driftwood, saluted me captors and floated away a savior

'Til I saw the friendly lights greet me at the harbor

Where Kerry would surely thank me later

A barrel of gunpowder I thought to be rum

By my unwitting hands, the war is won

And back in the bar-a, sweet Ciara

Will kiss me and my debt will be paid

A bottle of whiskey, a bottle of rum

The humble man's reward for a job well done

Back in the bar-a, sweet Ciara

She kissed me and assured me my debt was paid in full