Vertigo

I hope I look all right

Before I get started, I'm walking slow because

You know what vertigo is?

Ah, damn

I was suffering from vertigo

I've only fallen one time

That was a few weeks ago, I was in Talladega, Alabama

I just fell

And they always thought it was part of the show

I almost got a standing ovation

And when I fell, I made the mistake by saying

"I've fallen, and I can't get up"

And they thought it was a skit

They kept laughing and I was just laying there

So if you folks on the front row

If I fall, and you don't catch me, I'm gonna sue you

But I'm all right though, it'll be okay

There's always something about a year ago, I could hardly move

Because I had to pull the groin muscle

If you guys have ever had a poor groin muscle

I was so embarrassed

I pulled the groin muscle at Golden Corral

I'm not making this up

I was traveling with a friend of mine

Another comedian, was in the Carolinas on Interstate 85

I saw a sign that said, "All-you-can-eat buffet"

To me, that's the best five words in English language

I said, "Well, let's have lunch"

I go up the exit ramp, down this access road

As we are approaching the entrance to Golden Corral

A church bus, a women's auxiliary bus

A whole bus load of fat Christian women

I mean, God bless them

I told Steve, I said, "We better run

If they get it on first, we'll be here all damn day, see what I'm saying?"

And that's what happened, I wasn't paying attention, I was running out

And somebody had spilled either tea or water right in the floor

And I slipped

I grabbed this Raylan with my left hand, my right leg kept going

It hurt, but it didn't really hurt until I woke up the next morning

And I could hardly move

So I went to an urgent care center, they did x-rays

And the doctor tell me, he said, "You have pulled a groin muscle"

I said, "Are you sure?"