Lyrics
Seven days before Christmas year, 1982
dad walked in
six pack in hand
said "kids I have some real bad news"
"works been slow, they had to let me go
and I don't know what to do"
"Santa has no money for presents but at least we have plenty of food"
Santa has no money for presents
Family don't know what to do
Totally broke and losing hope
but at least we had plenty of food
Doug walked in newspapers in hand
said "this is what we're gonna do"
"lets have a Dirty Santa Christmas"
I'll find the perfect gift for you
Christmas eve the party got started
Mama made some fresh eggnogg
Rules were straight
you can wrap anything
except the family dog
Dad walked in with a crap eatin' grin
said "what are you kids up to?"
were gonna have a Dirty Santa Christmas
found the perfect gift for you
it was 6 am Christmas morning
excited to open our gifts
to dads surprise
he was mesmurized
that his new bra actually fit
mom opened up her present
grinnin' from ear to ear
she got a pound of spam
in a dented can
and a pabst blue ribbon beer
Doug got a used flea coller
Jason got a roach motel
I got a loaf a stale fruitcake
that was bought last year on sale
Patty got a box of Ramen noodles
out of date and stale
Dads old spice went to Davey
rumor has it he loves the smell
Johns sense of humor is twisted
Gave his jock strap to Ron
We think Ron got even
He gave Maxi-pads to John
Santa has no money for presents
family don't know what to do
Totally broke and losing hope
But at least we had plenty of food
Doug walked in newspapers in hand
said this is what we're gonna do
let's have a dirty Santa Christmas
I'll find the perfect gift for you
Santa has no money for presents
family don't know what to do
Totally broke and losing hope
but at least we had plenty of food
Doug walked in newspapers in hand
said this is what we're gonna do
let's have a dirty Santa Christmas
I'll find the perfect gift for you
(end)