Did I Ever Tell You About The Man Who Taught His Asshole To Talk?

Finally it talked all the time, day and night

You could hear him for blocks

Screaming out to shut up

And beating it with his fists and sticking candles up it

But nothing did any good

The asshole said to him

"It's you who will shut up in the end, not me

Because we don't need you around here anymore

I can talk and eat and shit"

After that he began waking up in the morning

With a transparent jelly like a tadpole's tail all over his mouth

Now this jelly's what the scientists call DT

That's undifferentiated tissue

Which can grow into any kind of flesh on the human body

He would tear it off his mouth

And the pieces would stick to his hands like burning gasoline jelly

Grow there, grow anywhere on him

Anywhere on him a glob of it fell

So finally his mouth sealed over

And the whole head would have amputated spontaneous

Did you know that the condition occurs in parts of Africa

And only among Negroes

Where the little toe amputates spontaneously?

Except the eyes, you dig?

That's one thing the asshole couldn't lose

It needed the eyes

But nerve connections were blocked and infiltrated and atrophied

So the brain couldn't give orders anymore

It was trapped in the skull, sealed off

For a while you could see the silent

Helpless suffering of the brain behind the eyes

Then finally the brain must have died

Because the eyes went out

There was no more feeling in them

Than a crab's eye on the end of a stalk

That's the sex that passes the censor

Squeezes through between girls

Because there's always a space between

In popular songs, grade B movies

Giving away the basic American rottenness

Spurting out like breaking boils

Throwing off globs of that undifferentiated tissue

To fall anywhere and grow into some degenerate cancerous life form

Reproducing a hideous random image

Some would be entirely made of penis-like erectile tissue

Others viscera barely covered over with skin

Clusters of three and four eyes together

Criss-cross of mouths and assholes

Human parts shaking around and pouring out