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You know, parents are the same no matter time nor place
They don't understand us kids are gonna make some mistakes
So to you all the kids all across the land
There's no need to argue, parents just don't understand
I remember one year my mom took me school shopping
It was me, my brother, my mom, oh, my pop, and
My little sister all hopped in the car
We headed downtown to the Gallery Mall
My mom started bugging with the clothes she chose
I said nothing at first, I just turned up my nose
She said, "Uh, what's wrong? This shirt cost twenty dollars!"
I said, "Uh, mom, please, the shirt's plaid with butterfly collars"
The next half hour was the same old thing
My mother buying me clothes from 1963
And then she lost her mind and did the ultimate
I asked her for Adidas and she bought me Zips
I said, "Mom, what are you doing? You'll ruin my rep!"
She said, "You're only sixteen, you don't have a rep yet"
I said, "Mom, put these clothes back, please!"
She said, "No, you go to school to learn, not for a fashion show"
I said, "This isn't Sha Na Na, come on, Mom, I'm not Bowser
Mom, please put back the Brady Bunch bell-bottom trousers
But if you don't want to, I can live with that
But you gotta put back the double-knit reversible slacks"
She wasn't with it, everything stayed the same
Inevitably, the first day of school came
Thought I could get over, I tried to play safe
But my mom said, "No way, uh-uh, forget it"
There was nothing I could do, I tried to relax
I got dressed up in those ancient artifacts
And when I walked into school, just as I thought
The kids were cracking up at the clothes that Mom bought
And those who weren't laughing still had themselves a ball
'Cause they were pointing and whistling as I walked down the hall
I got home and told my mom how my day went
She said, "If they were laughing at
You, then they're not good friends"
For the next six hours, I tried to explain to my mom
That I was gonna have to go through this two hundred more times
So to you all the kids all across the land
There's no need to argue, parents just don't understand
Okay, here's the situation
My parents went away on a week's vacation and
They left the keys to the brand new Porsche
Do they mind if they drive it? Mm, well, of course not
I'll just take it for a little spin
And maybe show it off to a couple of friends
I'll just cruise around the neighborhood
Well, maybe I shouldn't—yeah, of course I should
Pay attention, here's the thick of the plot
I pulled up to the corner at the end of my block
And that's where I saw this beautiful girly girl walking
I picked up my phone to perpetrate like I was talking
You should've seen this girl's bodily dimensions
Uh, I honked my horn just to get her attention
She said, "Was that for me?" I said, "Yeah," she said, "Why?"
I said, "Come on and take a ride with a heck of a guy"
She said, "How do I know that you're not sick?
You could be some deranged lunatic"
I said, "Come on, toots, they call me the prince
Besides, would a lunatic have a Porsche like this?"
She agreed and we were on our way
She was looking very good, but so was I, I must say
We hit McDonald's, pulled up to the drive
We ordered two Big Macs and two large fries
She kicked her shoes off onto the floor
She said, "Drive fast, speed turns me on"
She put her hand on my knee, I put my foot on the gas
We almost got whiplash, we took off so fast
The sunroof was open, the music was high
And this girl's hand was subtly moving up my thigh
She had opened up three buttons on her shirt so far
I guess that's why I didn't notice that police car
We're doing ninety in my mom's new Porsche
And to make this long story short
When the cop pulled me over, I was scared as hell
I said, "I don't have a license, but I drive very well, officer"
I almost had a heart attack that day
Come to find out, the girl was a twelve-year-old runaway
I was arrested, the car was impounded
There was no way for me to avoid being grounded
My parents had to come off from vacation and get me
I'd rather be in jail than have my father hit me
My parents walked in and, uh, I got my grip
I said, "Uh, Mom, Dad, how was your trip?"
They didn't speak, I said, "I wanna plead my case"
But my father just shoved me in the car by my face
That was a hard ride home, I don't know how I survived it
They took turns, one would beat me while the other was driving
I can't believe it, I just made a mistake
Well, parents are the same, no matter time nor place
So to you all the kids all across the land
Take it from me, parents just don't understand