Parents Just Don’t Understand

You know, parents are the same no matter time nor place

They don't understand us kids are gonna make some mistakes

So to you all the kids all across the land

There's no need to argue, parents just don't understand

I remember one year my mom took me school shopping

It was me, my brother, my mom, oh, my pop, and

My little sister all hopped in the car

We headed downtown to the Gallery Mall

My mom started bugging with the clothes she chose

I said nothing at first, I just turned up my nose

She said, "Uh, what's wrong? This shirt cost twenty dollars!"

I said, "Uh, mom, please, the shirt's plaid with butterfly collars"

The next half hour was the same old thing

My mother buying me clothes from 1963

And then she lost her mind and did the ultimate

I asked her for Adidas and she bought me Zips

I said, "Mom, what are you doing? You'll ruin my rep!"

She said, "You're only sixteen, you don't have a rep yet"

I said, "Mom, put these clothes back, please!"

She said, "No, you go to school to learn, not for a fashion show"

I said, "This isn't Sha Na Na, come on, Mom, I'm not Bowser

Mom, please put back the Brady Bunch bell-bottom trousers

But if you don't want to, I can live with that

But you gotta put back the double-knit reversible slacks"

She wasn't with it, everything stayed the same

Inevitably, the first day of school came

Thought I could get over, I tried to play safe

But my mom said, "No way, uh-uh, forget it"

There was nothing I could do, I tried to relax

I got dressed up in those ancient artifacts

And when I walked into school, just as I thought

The kids were cracking up at the clothes that Mom bought

And those who weren't laughing still had themselves a ball

'Cause they were pointing and whistling as I walked down the hall

I got home and told my mom how my day went

She said, "If they were laughing at

You, then they're not good friends"

For the next six hours, I tried to explain to my mom

That I was gonna have to go through this two hundred more times

So to you all the kids all across the land

There's no need to argue, parents just don't understand

Okay, here's the situation

My parents went away on a week's vacation and

They left the keys to the brand new Porsche

Do they mind if they drive it? Mm, well, of course not

I'll just take it for a little spin

And maybe show it off to a couple of friends

I'll just cruise around the neighborhood

Well, maybe I shouldn't—yeah, of course I should

Pay attention, here's the thick of the plot

I pulled up to the corner at the end of my block

And that's where I saw this beautiful girly girl walking

I picked up my phone to perpetrate like I was talking

You should've seen this girl's bodily dimensions

Uh, I honked my horn just to get her attention

She said, "Was that for me?" I said, "Yeah," she said, "Why?"

I said, "Come on and take a ride with a heck of a guy"

She said, "How do I know that you're not sick?

You could be some deranged lunatic"

I said, "Come on, toots, they call me the prince

Besides, would a lunatic have a Porsche like this?"

She agreed and we were on our way

She was looking very good, but so was I, I must say

We hit McDonald's, pulled up to the drive

We ordered two Big Macs and two large fries

She kicked her shoes off onto the floor

She said, "Drive fast, speed turns me on"

She put her hand on my knee, I put my foot on the gas

We almost got whiplash, we took off so fast

The sunroof was open, the music was high

And this girl's hand was subtly moving up my thigh

She had opened up three buttons on her shirt so far

I guess that's why I didn't notice that police car

We're doing ninety in my mom's new Porsche

And to make this long story short

When the cop pulled me over, I was scared as hell

I said, "I don't have a license, but I drive very well, officer"

I almost had a heart attack that day

Come to find out, the girl was a twelve-year-old runaway

I was arrested, the car was impounded

There was no way for me to avoid being grounded

My parents had to come off from vacation and get me

I'd rather be in jail than have my father hit me

My parents walked in and, uh, I got my grip

I said, "Uh, Mom, Dad, how was your trip?"

They didn't speak, I said, "I wanna plead my case"

But my father just shoved me in the car by my face

That was a hard ride home, I don't know how I survived it

They took turns, one would beat me while the other was driving

I can't believe it, I just made a mistake

Well, parents are the same, no matter time nor place

So to you all the kids all across the land

Take it from me, parents just don't understand