Hard to Be the Bard

My days are so busy

It's making me dizzy, there's so much I gotta do

There's lunches and meetings

And poetry readings and endless interviews

Gotta pose for a portrait

And how I deplore sitting there for eternity

Then it's off to the inn

Where my innkeeper friend wants to name a drink after me

Then it's back to my room

Where I resume my attempt to write a hit

Just me and my beer

And the terrible fear that I might be losing it

And it's hard (it's hard)

It's hard (it's hard)

It's really, really hard (it's really hard)

So very, very hard

I make it look easy but, honey, believe me

It's hard (it's hard), it's hard (it's hard)

It's so incredibly hard

So inconceivably, unbelievably hard

It's hard to be the bard

Honestly, I don't know how I do it

There's only so much of me to go around

I've got so many fans with so many demands

I can hardly go take a piss (he can't pee)

Be it theater freak or the autograph-seeker

They all want a piece of this (gimme, gimme)

It's a cross that I bear, I'm like Jesus

I swear it's a burden, but I suffer through it (he is suffering)

It's all part of the game, the trappings of fame

But somebody's gotta do it (so he does it)

And I know, I know, I gotta go

And get back to my pen and ink

Oh, don't make me do it

Don't make me go through it

Can somebody get me a drink?

'Cause it's hard (it's hard)

It's hard (it's hard)

It's really, really hard (it's really hard)

It's sexy, but it's hard

This bar that I'm raising to be this amazing!

It's hard (it's hard), it's hard (it's hard)

It's so annoyingly hard

So unavoidably, unenjoyably hard

It's hard to be the bard, baby, ugh

I know writing made me famous

But being famous is just so much more fun

You see, what people just don't understand

Is that writing's demanding

It's mentally challenging and it's a bore

It's such a chore to sit in a room by yourself

Oh my God, I just hate it!

And you're trying to find an opening line

Or a brilliant idea and you're pacing the floor

And hoping for, just a bit of divine intervention

That one little nugget, that one little spark

Then, Eureka, you find it you're ready to start

So now you can write, right? Wrong!

You're not even close, you remember that, damn it

Your play's gotta be in iambic pentameter!

So you write down a word, but it's not the right word

So you try a new word, but you hate the new word

And you need a good word, but you can't find the word

Oh, where is it? What is it? What is it? Where is it?

Sir?

Hello!

You asked for information on what Nicholas Bottom is writing

Our spy is here with the news

Did he see me losing it?

He's half blind, sir

Oh, good, then he only saw half of it

You see what I did?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, wonderful!

Speak, man, what news?

I saw Nick Bottom, I did

He paid a soothsayer to foresee what Shakespeare's greatest play would be

That sneaky little thief!

Why doesn't he come up with his own ideas?

(It's hard) no, it is, isn't it?

It's really the worst (it's hard)

Makes me wonder why I didn't think of that first (it's hard)

Hard to alleviate the pressure to create (it's hard)

Hard to do something as good as the last thing I did that was already great

(It's hard) it's hard

So hard that he is stealing from the bard

Well, I'll hoist him by his petard (ooh)

All that I need is a clever disguise (clever disguise)

I'll make him pay for his devious lies (devious lies)

Let him do all the tedious stuff

The work that's terribly and unbearably hard (ooh, hard)

Alright, Nick Bottom

I think Shakespeare needs to find out

What Shakespeare's next big hit will be

'Cause it's hard (it's hard, it's totally hard)

It's hard (it's hard, it's totally hard)

It's hard (it's hard, it's totally hard)

I've got fortune and fame

Everyone knows my name

I can't help it, it's still freakin' hard