I tell you my favorite store is the Home Depot
I like that store right there
That's a good store
That's a big store in there
Good Lord
I'm glad they sell hot dogs on the way in
You may need something to survive on if you get lost in there
But the worst thing about them hot dogs at the Home Depot
Is they go right through you
Good Lord
I had a couple of bites of the wiener dog in there
I had a brown snake playing peek-a-boo
With my butt crack in there at Home Depot
It ain't funny
I'm walking like this through the Home Depot in there
Looked like the march of the penguins in there
All I could think of was that commercial
"What can brown do for you?"
You know what I mean?
That's all I thought
What can brown do for me?
Make me look like a jackass at the Home Depot
What it do for me
Then I had to stand there with my butt
Cheeks squished together like this
Hoping nothing would shoot out of there
Act like I'm looking at something, you know
You ever do that?
You be playing a game or something
It hits you and you're like, "Oh Lord"
You know, the people are like, "Larry, get over here"
"Hold on, I'm looking at this weird bug over here"
"I never seen a bug like this my whole life"
"Oh, that's a big bug"
But do me a favor if you ever go to Home Depot
Tell them idiots in the plumbing department
To mark it better that them toilets
Is for display purposes only in there
Good Lord, I feel like an idiot going
To the toilets on them stools in there
But the good news is somebody's gonna get a plunger half price
Alright, that's the good news
So there's a silver lining in everything in this world
Hey, did you ever read that story about the feller
That glued his hind end to the toilet seat?
You read that?
Some feller goes in the Home Depot and there were some kids in there
Pranksters
And what they done is they put some industrial glue on the toilet lid
Well this feller don't know and he walks in
There to take the Browns to the Super Bowl
And he sits down on this stool and
Glues his hind end to the toilet lid
And he sued Home Depot
But he didn't sue 'cause he got glued to the seat
He sued 'cause nobody come in there quick enough and help him
Well who in their right mind's gonna help somebody like that?
What would you do?
You go into Home Depot and hear somebody in there and see his feet
And you're like, "Oh, oh, oh, oh, help me!
Help me! I can't get off, help me get off!"
You ain't going in there either, I guarantee
They ended up having to cut the whole stool out of the floor
And put him on a wood cart
Still sitting in the fecal position
And wheel him out of the Home Depot
In front of God and every shopper in there
That's a pathetic one-man pee raid right there
I tell you what
Looked like he was crowned king of the Home Depot poopers in there
How y'all doing? Good to see you
How are you? Good to see you
Hi everybody
Here's a Tootsie Roll
Take some Tootsie Rolls for the kids
How are you? Good to see you
What's going on?
But the thing that irritated me was
It was the Home Depot for Pete's sake
You mean to tell me out of that big old 25 acre store
They didn't have one item to unglue him from a toilet seat?
That's pathetic
And that's why I poop at Lowe's
Get 'er done
Thanks so much everybody
I appreciate it