Lyrics
Do you remember the day
When if you said that you were gay
It meant a joy you could sing and shout?
A fairy was enchanting
And dressing up and camping
Was something you did with the scouts
That carefree age
When an urgent case of AIDS
Was powdered milk we sent to the Sahara
A fruit was something nice to eat
A pouf was something for your feet
And a queen was an old tart in a tiara
Ah, look what we've done
To the old mother tongue
It's a crime the way we've misused it
It's been totally tis-woggled
Krondenblonden gollywoggled
And we've strangled, mangled, frangled and abused it
Ah, those far off times
When a bong meant a chime
And a buzz was a noise insecticidal
A joint was something between bones
And getting really stoned
Only happened to bad people in the Bible
When if you had a bad trip
It meant you fell and broke your hip
Cold turkey just meant Christmas at the Dotty's
Coke was something that you burned
Smack was something that you earned
From your mumsy-wumsy when you had been naughty
Ah, look what we've done
To the old mother tongue
It's a crime the way we've misused it
It's been totally tis-woggled
Krondenblonden gollywoggled
And we've strangled, mangled, frangled and abused it
The years have gone I'm afraid
When only eggs got laid
And only the rhinoceros got horny
Only kangaroos jumped
And only camels humped
Getting stuffed meant a little taxidermy
Swinging was for trapezes
Or Tarzan's chimpanzees
Tossing off was something Scotsmen did with cavers
Now it means something quite obscene
And a heavy ugly scene
Is any movie starring Arnold Schwarzenegger
Ah, look what we've done
To the old mother tongue