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Moe, I saw it on the TV
And I thought it was a shame
It was a man dressed like a woman
And he had a boy's name
Well, I heard it on the radio
While I was in the tub
Now, Joe, what in the world is this thing
They call the Culture Club?
Well, it's some old boy from England, Moe
And he's making a million bucks
Joe, we'll never make a million
Driving these old trucks
Too many nights of drinking (ooh-ooh)
Losing football bets (ooh-ooh)
Lately, we'd do anything to get us out of debt
Where's the dress?
Give me them high-heeled shoes!
Where's the dress?
We'll be money-making fools
We might close the bars down (ooh-ooh)
And cause a few arrests (ooh-ooh)
But if it makes some money
Tell me where's the dress
Well, I'll hire me a nurse to tote my purse
And I'll keep it full of beer
Yeah, and I'll have a girl to drive my truck
And one to tease my hair
We can still go fishing (ooh-ooh)
Wear our old blue jeans (ooh-ooh)
When it comes to showtime
We'll be country queens
Where's the dress?
Give me them high-heeled shoes
Where's the dress?
We'll be money-making fools
We might close the bars down (ooh-ooh)
And cause a few arrests (ooh-ooh)
But if it makes some money
Tell me where's the dress
Where's the dress?
Now, Moe, let's get on down to the store
And get some lipstick and some rouge
Where's the dress?
Hey, Joe, why don't we do this thing up right
And get some of them ostrich plumes?
You know
Where's the dress?
I was wondering if they made
A pink pump in the size 12, Moe
Where's the dress?
You don't think that old boy from England
Shaves his legs, do you, Joe?
Where's the dress?
Well, I don't know, Moe, but it'd take a bush hog
To cut the hair off our legs
Where's the dress?
Oh, I can see it now
Boy Moe, Boy Joe and the Grand Old Opry
Uh-uh, Moe
Where's the dress?
I don't think ol' Roy would like that at all
Ah, no, no way, Moe
Where's the dress?
I can't wait to see you, Joe
In one of them Cross Your Heart brassieres, yeah
Where's the dress?
I'll tell you what, Moe
You're gonna look good in them pink pantyhose