Christmas with depression

Some folks die, some drifted away

Some still here, but they don't feel the same

Some forgot me, some just froze

That's how holiday stories go

I walk past aisles of candy canes

Smell that cinnamon on the flame

See my younger self in my head

Running circles round a sled

Back when December meant pure magic

Now it's just a weight that's tragic

Every jingle is a trigger

Every memory is bigger

I hang one ornament for the ones

That I lost in the summer suns

And another for the ones still breathing

Who don't see me just keep leaving

My birthdays riding close to Christ

Whole month wrapped in flashing lights

Used to feel like double joy

Now it's just a quiet void

It's Christmas with depression

Empty house full confession

All these blinking lights

Can't cut through the regression

It's Christmas with depression

Lost some angel, learned some lessons

It ain't the gifts I'm missing

It's the people not present

There's no globe shaking in my chest

Fake flakes fall, I get no rest

Same old songs on repeat, play blank

But all my joy got laid to rest

It's Christmas with depression

Yeah, I spent some money stupid

Tryna buy back joy, let's prove it

Little bit of shine, little bit of gold

Something I can hold when I feel low

Fuck it, you can't take it with you

Might as well buy one thing that fits you

New chain, new coat, new pair of shoes

Just to feel like I won something, not lose

I ain't praying for a stack of stuff

I'm just hoping for a kind of love

That walks in the door and sits by my side

Makes me feel warm and makes me feel alive

Someone to bring the magic back

Make me feel needed when my mind goes black

Best Christmas gift would be waking up fine

None of this ever happened, we rewind

Time is ticking now, on a darker call

It's a thought, I'm not waking up at all

But even with that ghost in my head

I'm still here, so I rise from the bed

It's Christmas with depression

But I still got one obsession

To build a little island

Out of all this empty tension

Christmas with depression

But I'm praying for progression

I make my own good birthday

My own quiet celebration

Lights still shining on the wall

Even if no one else calls

Through the grief and all the stress

I'm still here, so I'm still blessed

Christmas with depression

And yeah, my heart's a mess

But I'm staying for the sunrise

I'm not done learning my lesson

Ah