Single / Track

I Like Steak

Larry The Cable Guy•Official Audio (YouTube API)

Lyrics

I do need to lose a little weight, I gotta tell you

I had a threesome last week and I was all by myself

Alright

You know it's bad when you go to the buffet

And they give you a restrictor plate

Alright

But it ain't healthy being big, I gotta tell you

Good lord, I went in for a checkup the other day

And the doctor said, "You need to lay off eggs"

I go, "Is my cholesterol bad?"

He said, "No, your farts are killing everybody in this room"

Don't eat in bed, that's not good for you, it's dangerous too

Good lord, I fell asleep with the fondue pot on last week

Woke up with third degree cheese burns on my testicles

I know I still ain't found the fondue forks

But I tried to lose weight, it's tough

Went jogging last week

I didn't want to, my car broke down in a crappy neighborhood

I lost eight pounds in my rims

I hate the gym, that's one thing I hate doing

I always get all sweaty and hot

And my Hershey bar melts in my back pocket I got in there

Looks like I crapped myself doing squats halfway through there

Don't eat before you go to the gym, that ain't good

I had some kettle corn before I went to the gym

Got on the row machine

Started getting the popcorn farts on the row machine in there

I ain't kidding, it sounded like a tugboat after 27 minutes

I went to wipe it off with a towel and the guy running the place goes

"Just keep at it and take that home

With you right there, you do the escape thing"

Boy, they're nice in here

I hate them fancy exercises

Anybody ever do any Pilates?

You've done Pilates?

Yeah, I ain't never done no Pilates

In college, I did a lot of Pilates

That's that, I don't care who you are

That's funny right there, now that's good

Thank you

My wife said, "You ought to try yoga"

I'm like, "If I was that limber

I wouldn't need a wife for God's sake, that's ridiculous"

Well, it's hard to lose

My whole family's big, so it runs in the family, I'll tell you what

We're the reason Cracker Barrel got a gift shop in my family

They built that to keep them all occupied

While they restocked the kitchen in there

My sister's a big son of a bitch, Good Lord

I'm telling you, she blowing up like a tick on Dracula, my sister

Dairy Queen got a restraining order out on her this year

My favorite restaurants is

Waffle House and Danny's, that's right, I love them

Did you know Waffle House

Just celebrated their 50th anniversary? Unbelievable

And while I was in there, the steak I was eating celebrated its 25th

Don't eat steak at the Waffle House

If you do you'll be pooping colors Sherman Williams ain't heard of

I'll tell you that much

I like them nice fancy steak houses is what I like

I went to a real nice one the other day and the waitress goes

All our meat is hand rubbed

I'm like what a coincidence

Nothing beats Denny's though

That's all American restaurant right there, I like that

You ever go eat breakfast at Denny's

And then go to the toilet and sit in there so long

You gotta order lunch from the stool, you ever do that?

Now I know why they call it the Grand Slam breakfast

You gonna poop four times before you leave Denny's

My grandma can't handle that food in there

She had a Moons Over My Hammy one time

We was driving home and she got the bubbling up in there

Oh, she farted so hard the side airbag imploded

An onstar told us to get out

And do a tuck and roll in the median out there

They thought the engine exploded on the Mercury's fire

Pizza Hut, she can't handle either

Pizza Hut pissed me off the other day

Remember they had this thing called Cheesy Bites at Pizza Hut

All it was was cheese

This is how lazy we've become as a society

They had this thing called Cheesy Bites

Charged about 50 cents more than a regular piece of pizza

But all it was was a little cheese in the crust

But they cut the crust up into

Little pieces to make it easier to get to your mouth

That's all it is, they cut it up, that's how lazy we are

And I'll tell you something else about cheesy bites, they're delicious

My grandma likes them cheesy bites

Assembling your AI-powered music player

I Like Steak

Lyrics