Truck Talk

Them car dealership commercials make me laugh too, boys

Since the economy's bad, you see the Hyundai commercial?

They say if you got a job, and you lose your job, they'll buy your Hyundai back from you

Ain't that nice? The bad thing is anybody who's got a job ain't driving a freakin' Hyundai

Alright, that's the thing, I'll tell you

I like that good lookin' girl on the Cadillac commercial

You ever see her? When you turn your car on, does it return the favor?

Not unless you're sitting on a shifter, they ain't gonna do nothing like that, man

Hell, unless you're starting it up like this or something, you know?

What the hell's wrong with people?

But the commercials that really aggravate me is them dang-gone pickup truck commercials

I think they're marketing pickups to drunks, I really do

I think they want drunks to buy pickup trucks

That explains the commercials, 'cause I ain't never seen somebody going in

Can I help you? Yeah, listen

I'm looking for a pickup truck that I can drive up a giant teeter-totter

With two eight tonne pendulums swinging at me different directions there

Go through a fire hoop stop before we get to a cliffside

You got something like that in there?

We're going to get drunk this weekend and see if that stuff really pans out

Did you talk about hitting a commercial?

Good lord, I just want a pickup truck I can put my empties in, you know?

I ain't trying to be Indiana Jones

They're drunk in the commercial

Watch the commercial

That one fella goes, huh, I didn't even know I was pulling a trailer

If you don't know you're pulling a trailer to a fire hoop

You're an alcoholic

I'll guarantee you that much right now

What is wrong with folks?

And I got rid of my truck a while ago, and some people gave me grief over it

But I'm gonna tell you what I done

And I got rid of my Dodge, and I got a Ford

And, uh, I know, I know, hold on, hear me out now, hear me out

Don't get all Jerry Springer on me in here tonight, alright?

That's the thing, you can't talk trucks with rednecks around

'Cause they're gonna be gunplay ten seconds later, you know what I mean?

What'd he do? He got rid of his Dodge

That son of a bitch, I'll tell you what, I'm gonna kill that son of a bitch

Just hold on a minute here

Ain't nothing wrong with my Dodge, loved it, I did

Sorry to see it go, I love my Ford better

But I'll tell you why I done it, two reasons

Number one, Ford didn't take no bailout money

So I'm gonna support the people that didn't take the bailout money

That's right, that's right

There were three major car companies that took 15 billion of our dollars

And I don't know if you heard it but today, the makers of Saturn said they need a couple hundred bucks 'til Tuesday

Wah, wah, wah, wah

But here's why I got rid of my Dodge

I got irritated at commercial

It pissed me off because they lied to you in these truck commercials and I had enough of them

And they had that Dodge truck sitting there

And they had this announcer come on there, "Dodge trucks, ram, tug"

Then they had this 80-ton robot come toward this Dodge truck

Commissioned to beating the hell out of you

Now, I added that part right there, they didn't do that, we got to add that

Beat the hell up, then a fella gets in it and drives it away, not a scratch on it

Meanwhile, I hit a deer, five thousand dollars in damage, all that dog trap in there

That's right, rammed tough my ass, ain't even dog-deer tough, alright

Anybody in here ever hit a deer at the zoo?

Me too, I did too, yes sir

I'm glad I ain't the only one thought it was a drive-through, I'll tell you that much

I thought that was a drive-through, I didn't know it was a parking lot