Lyrics
Yeah
I still ain't glorifyin' shit—I'm survivin' it
Same bottle talkin' back, same ghosts inside me
This that pain they turn away from
But you pressed play anyway. Country Lunatic
Woke up on a mattress that used to be mine
Eviction on the door, past due on the light
Phone full of numbers, no one I can dial
Everybody love you till you ain't their style
Got a kid in the picture frame watchin' me fade
I see his eyes every time I chase that wave
Every hit I take feel like I'm tradin' his trust
For a fifteen—minute high and a lifetime of dust
I done pawned my dreams for a pocket full of hell
Lied to my mama sayin' rehab went well
Truth is, I left early, couldn't stomach the mirror
Rather drown in my poison than sit with that fear
I'm still strugglin', barely holdin' on
Smilin' in the crowd, then I break when I'm alone
Everybody say I'm strong, they don't know my knees
Shake every time that the craving screams
I'm still strugglin', fightin' not to fall
One bad night from losin' it all
If I die tonight, just remember one thing—
I was dyin' for years before I grew these wings
They cheer for the songs ‘bout the pills and the booze
But they don't see me in the back room comin' unglued
They don't hear the dealer still ringin' my line
Or the voice sayin' "fuck it" in the back of my mind
I ain't proud of the times that I chose that high
Over birthdays, funerals, lookin' in their eyes
I missed last Christmas ‘cause I couldn't get clean
Sat alone in a motel starin' holes in the screen
I got homies in the ground that would trade my breath
For one more hug, one more step
So when that bottle whispers it can set me free
I see tombstones lined up lookin' just like me
I'm still strugglin', barely holdin' on
Smilin' in the crowd, then I break when I'm alone
Everybody say I'm strong, they don't know my knees
Shake every time that the craving screams