Lyrics
Suicidal thoughts in my apartment
This thing called love can be exhausting
I found too much comfort in darkness
I'm talking from the heart but you're heartless so
I'm sipping trying to get my mind off this
To find myself in the pussy that I was lost in
Disagreeing with both sides of my conscience like
Do I want this? Nah, fuck it I'm off this so
I hit the hotel bar and get a glass of whiskey
As I vent into the stranger sitting next to me
The good shit I messed up starting to mess with me
The shit I got away with starting to get to me
I'm on some Kirko shit
Me being perfect that's a lot I gotta keep up with
My girl thinks that I'm an angel, my demon's no stranger
She admires the girl that I sneak out with
In my music I talk about other women and
Affairs I be having like she ain't listening
I say it's just words when she ask about it
She believes my lies and we laugh about it
I'm hurting knowing myself
The love you deserve I'm searching for myself
How could I give it to you if I ain't got it for me?
Girl, this isn't just a verse I'm crying out for help
But I tell her these are only words
As I'm riding through the city with a friend of hers
Trying to find better words
I don't know what to tell you cause the truth hurts
Before I jump I leave these words behind
I've been way too hard on myself
I could lie, try to say I'm fine
But I'm tired and I need truth
I'm coming home, I'm coming home
Would you please leave the door unlocked
So I could wake up by your side, one last time
Before I jump
I told one of my best friends that
I'ma kill him for fucking up my money
Was I wrong for it?
Or maybe my friends ain't really friends
And they just know where I'm going so they string along for it
Damn, I'm tired of ringing alarms
I'm tired of hearing disses from people I helped put on
How quickly they forget really fucks with my heart
That shit just really tears me apart
Betrayal is something I don't forgive
Yet I let them back in for them to backstab me again
And if I die before I turn this album in
All I ask is get my kid publishing
Look, I'm just trying to find what I lost
Suicide bomber trying to die for a cause
Nothing lasts forever, that's hard to ignore
I love her but I can't stay around for divorce
Cause when the truth comes out
I don't wanna see you move out
Cause when the love's all gone and the pressure is on and
The voodoo's gone wrong, what do you do now?
Look, I'm the modern day Van Gogh
I made a pregnant woman cry, call it sorrow
Looking in the sky now, all I see is crows
My self portrait is in the music I wrote
Two years since me and my best friend spoke
I called him yesterday I heard nothing back though
I'm not saying that I'm not an asshole
It's hard for me to let the past go
I'm hanging on a tight rope
Carolina's gone, I'm still suicide though
Which goes to show it wasn't her, it was me
Before I jump I need y'all to see
Before I jump I leave these words behind
I've been way too hard on myself
I could lie, try to say I'm fine
But I'm tired and I need truth
I'm coming home, I'm coming home
Would you please leave the door unlocked
So I could wake up by your side, one last time
Before I jump
Way too many blunts since I choked
Remember back when I didn't smoke
Remember back when I didn't cope
I'm wrong but I still defend the hoax
I got it like I'm wearing Papa's baseball glove
Holding my shit in
All is well don't always end well, practice forgiving
We wasn't perfect
I want to let you in, but do we deserve it?
Intentions got blurry
Desire us plus the perks of our love and it irks me
Betting on potential obsessed with our worries
We falling apart but fuck it we're worthy
Copped a place and got engaged, why was we in a hurry for man?
Show me some mercy
I done came a long way from iced teas and McFlurries
To home cooked meals and phone book bills
And maturity drove our bond to obscurity
I was reckless with my actions and I can't take it back
Thoughts of my unborn, been searching for some answers to mourn
And turn this carried pain and loss into laughter
For now I bid you farewell and save that ending for another chapter