Lyrics
Bill: If it isn't Dr. C, the original half-man half-nose wig
Charlie: Well, Charlie McCarthy, the woodpecker's pin-up boy
Edgar: Well, as long as you're here, Bill, you can
Talk to me while Charlie's getting his hair cut
Charlie: Ah, you know, Edgar, it's touching to see your affection
For the little nipper. It strikes a tender chord in my heart
Edgar: Thank you, Bill. You know, I thought you didn't like children
Charlie: Oh, not at all, Edgar. I love children. I can remember when
With my own little unsteady legs, I toddled from room to room
Bill: When was that, last night?
Charlie: Quiet, wormwood, or I'll whittle you down to a coat hanger
Edgar: Yes
Charlie: Tell me, Charles, is it true your father was a gateleg table?
Bill: If it is, your father was under it, all right
Charlie: Why, you stunted spruce, I'll throw a Japanese beetle on you
Bill: Why, you barfly, you, I'll stick a wick
In your mouth and use you for an alcohol lamp