All of My Life

All of my life

I've been dreaming the wrong dream

Hoping the wrong hope

Singing the wrong song

All of my life

All of my life

I've been picking the wrong horse

Saying the wrong thing

Making the wrong bets

All of my life

I thought there was nothing to life

Just wait for that lucky hunch

Just throw that lucky punch

Wham! You too can be the champ

Yesterday you batted zero

Hit a homer, you're a hero

I thought there was nothing to life

Just wait for that lucky hunch

There must be something more to it

Somewhere along the line I blew it

All of my life

I've been meeting the wrong crowd

Wearing the wrong tie

Dancing the wrong steps

All of my life

All of my life

I've been off on the wrong beam

Backing the wrong team

Dreaming the wrong dream

All of my life

All of my life

All of my no good life

All right, folks, step right up and meet a loser

Come on, it's novelty night

Anybody can meet a winner

Show a little guts

Shake hands with a loser

Meet the champ of the losers

Come on, I don't mind

I must like losing

I've been doing it so long

On the day I was born I went into training

I was grooming myself for oblivion

And I made it

Funny?

Funny?

Wanna hear a good one?

I even lost my wife

Kay, where are you?

Are the kids home from school yet?

What kids? I've got no time for kids

I'm too busy trying to get a table

Funny?

Funny?

I could keep you screaming like this for hours

Hold it, hold it, wait a minute, this check is mine

Hold it, this is Ubie Cram, I reach