The Time I've Really Done It

Yeah well she was sittin' on a bar stool

Long fingers strokin' her glass

Oh, teasin' me with suggestions

Then came over and kissed my arse

She said "Hiya handsome, grab your keys

Let's get out of this place"

But I'd had one laugh too many

And fell down flat on my face

Oh when I woke up I was lyin' in a bed

Between two satin sheets

I was naked except for my drinkin' boots

They were still down on my feet

I had a shiny gold wedding ring on my finger

And rice grains all through me hair

And no recollection of what went on

With who or what or where

This time I've really done it

This time I'm gone for sure

This time I've really done it

She shut and locked the door

This time I've really done it

I'm in all kinds of strife

This time I've really done it

Well I'm buggered now for life

Well then there I realised what had happened

While I was knocked out cold

I'd been shanghaied, kidnapped, drawn and quartered

Abused and packaged and sold

I was still a bit shit-faced and doughy

And my mouth was dry as a bone

So I picked myself up and started headin' for home

To face the music all on me own

Oh when I got there I shot around the back

To dodge the trouble and strife

But there she was yakkin' in the kitchen

To who I thought was my brand new wife

Then from outta nowhere all my mates appeared

And they said that the joke was on me

But I've gotta admit she's whipped me fair and square

Now there's no more boozin' for me

This time I've really done it

This time I'm gone for sure

This time I've really done it

She shut and locked the door

This time I've really done it

I'm in all kinds of strife

This time I've really done it

Well I'm buggered now for life

This time I've really done it