I Don't Wanna Be Frum (Acoustic Version)

I don't wanna be frum no more

I don't wake up with fire

Every morning's just the same

And my davening's uninspired

I'm wearing a costume, talking in scripts

Smiling while my insides split

If this is called truth, why's it feel like a trap?

Why do I feel closer to God when I snap?

Sitting in yeshiva, earbuds in

Blocking out the noise, can't let it in

Rebbi's talking about Olam Haba

But I can't even focus past the trauma

Shul feels cold, like I don't belong

Cholent's hot, but the vibes feel wrong

I ain't trying to be a heretic, man

I just wanna breathe without the plan

I tried, for real, I tried so hard

Stayed in the system, played my part

But the walls kept closing

And I kept folding

Till I stopped looking for God in the dark

I don't wanna be frum no more

Not if this is what frum is for

Guilt, shame, fake smiles in crowds

Nodding along, but crying out loud

I don't wanna be frum no more

I want more than just a closed door

If God is real, why can't I feel

Something honest, something real?

Then it happened, real quiet, no flash

My little brother asked me about Shema

He said"Do you still say it before bed?"

And I froze, tears in my chest instead

Cause I did. Not every night

But sometimes when the dark felt right

And in that moment, I saw a thread

A line from who I was to who I am

It ain't about rules, it's about return

It ain't about fear, it's what you yearn

It's the tefillin buried in my drawer

Still waiting like they know I'll want more

It's the tune that hit me on a random walk

Not at Shul, just outta shock

A light I didn't light still warmed the room

A spark I buried bloomed

I don't wanna be frum like this

But I don't wanna miss what frum is

Not the pressure, not the masks