Mixed Messages

It's Sunday night and you're at home all alone

Last night was great, it was our very first date

So now it's time to pull out my phone

Gonna send you somethin' real quick

It ain't gonna be a dick pick, no, no

Romance needs clarity

But baby, that don't work for me, I'm sendin'

Mixed messages

Mixed messages

I send the first text in a cute way (cute way)

And then I don't reply for seven fuckin' days, yeah

Mixed messages

Mixed messages

Oh, you text me what night am I free

And I reply, "Yes", Full stop

I send you a littlе smiley face (smiley facе)

So you send me back a little smiley face (little smiley face)

And then I say, "Hey," and so you write back, "Hey"

And I say, "Hey what?" (Hey what?)

And you say, "You said 'hey' first"

And I say, "Okay (okay)

'Croissant emoji', fuck you"

Mixed messages

Mixed messages

One second, I say you're very pretty (very pretty)

And then I show up at your house and I kick your dog, yeah

Mixed messages

Mixed messages

I pay for the dog's veterinary bills

But then I punch your dad in the dick

Now we're going to a hospital

Just me, you, and your dad in the back of an ambulance

And even with your dad's broken dick

The air is thick with (sexual tension)

I'm really sorry for punchin' your dad in the dick

I won't do it again

You make me shake his hands and promise

But as I do, I ball up my other fist and I

Punch your dad in the dick again (dick again)

I punch your dad in his broken dick again

You think I'm sexy, I'm being mysterious

Sending you these weird mixed messages

You say, "Stop punchin' my dad's dick"

I say, "Okay," but then I wink

So you grab both of my hands quick

Stopping my third attempt to punch your dad's dick

Oh, baby, you've played this game before

Too bad, I've played a little bit more

You got my both my hands, so I use my head

I headbutt your dad's pants in the back of an ambulance

And between the headbutts

Our eyes lock as we're holding hands

And we can't help but kiss over your dad's not once

Twice, thrice broken dick

Mixed messages

Mixed messages

I say I love you in a cute way

And then I punch your dad's dick every day

Mixed messages

Mixed messages

Tell your dad that I'm sorry

But then punch him in his dick again (what, what, what)