Memories

The memories, they haunt me, they keep me up at night

The memories, they haunt me, yeah, they keep me up at night

I don't wanna think about it, but I can't turn off my mind

And I'm getting fucking flashbacks every time I close my eyes

Yeah, it's crazy how one person can just fuck you up for life

And that very same person is just out here living life

But I'm still fucking healing, so I sit here and I write

Don't know if I'ma make it, but I know I'll fucking try

Sometimes I think about the past and then I start to cry

I know I've come so fucking far, but I still feel behind

I know my mum and dad are proud, but I feel like they're lying

Cause why the fuck would they be proud, like are they fucking blind

It feels like I'm going nowhere, done nothing with my life

I get triggered over shit that normal people think is fine

Slit my wrist at 12 years old but no one ever saw the signs

I was just a fucking kid already tryna take my life

Now I'm grown up in my 20s, still I think of suicide

The memories, they haunt me

They keep me up at night The memories, they haunt me, yeah, they keep me up at night

Cause I'm messed up in the head, yeah, I've been fucking traumatized

Go to bed, I lay to rest, then I fucking close my eyes

An I'm back up in the house, underneath him and I'm crying

Try to scream, but there's no sound, the same nightmare every night

Then I wake up and I have to act like everything is fine

But I feel so sick that I can feel my stomach intertwine

And I wanna scream, but I just keep it in and say I'm fine

Why can't I just heal and live a normal fucking life

Every time I start to feel a little happy, I feel like

I don't even deserve to be here and living life

Got this weight up on my chest, it gets hard to breathe sometimes

Then my body stiffens up and it aches all fucking night

Yeah, you say it's in my head, but this shit's a constant fight

I don't want my mum and dad to have to bury their first child

So I gotta keep it moving and I do it with a smile