Hello - Parody of Adele's "Hello"

I know

It's creepy

But I thought this haunted shithole flat

Was a good place to meet

To reopen, every wound

What a fun way to spend a Saturday, especially for you

I know

My nails look sweet

I will work them into every shot

Even his P.O.V.

My flip phone is a piece of shit

So let me call you right back on my brand new Motorola brick phone

Let's try this one

Speak into the cup

Man, technology sucks

I'll just go yell outside

Here's a phone I haven't tried

Okay, now I hear you clearly

On my chiquita phone

Your voice sounds so delicious

And full of potassium

I'm the dumper this time

(Why'd she dump him?)

I treated him like dog shite

(She kicked and punched him)

Didn't mean to hog the umbrella

The loo and the bed

And I'm sorry for always wearing

A Go Pro on top of my head

Shalom

Buenas dias

I forgot how to say "hi" in English

Temporarily-ish (Nice rhyme)

Hey bro

Don't be cheeky

Or I'll write a lovely ballad

About how you used to beat me (What?)

I'm just kidding

You still can't take a joke

I'm so glad we spoke

(Don't turn this conversation into a song!)

I won't use your real name Steve

(Steve McGuffin)

I just swallowed a thousand leaves

(That's disgustin')

I got sick of eating spaghetti

For every meal

So I gave you an atomic wedgie

And I hope your crotch healed

I've been a ghost this whole time

(Just like Swayze)

You're singing about a made-up guy

(She's crazy)

You've been home all day long and

The flat's a pigsty

Quit pretending you're a ghost and

Clean up those dead flies on the sill.