Thoughts in July

If you've ever wondered what's going on in my mind

Here's a list of the things I've been thinking of this July

I've been wondering how I can stop the weight of summer giving me a crisis and a dear wish to run away from my life

Stressing 'bout my bank-account

I'm bored, in need of feeling in control of something

Control freak in control of nothing

Maybe I should cut my hair

I was thinking long bangs to cover up my face, so I don't need to meet the eyes of all the people that I pass on the street, in school, at home, at the store

I don't have the time or energy to be a present figure in somebody elses life but my own

Even that is hard at times, but I manage

I'm grateful for the love and the patience from my friends and family

I started drinking coffee in the morning

I cut my bangs too short

I've been anxious a lot this summer, reading in between the lines that don't exist - and end up feeling small

I hate that I must define my new self as something bound to the past

I've been swallowing words on words, thoughts on thoughts - ruminating

I'm sick of having conversations with myself this summer

How many years will it take to realize that I'm in control of my own life

I should take me the way I am or leave it behind

I'll figure me out

I'll continue doing what I want to

Been up all night

Thinking these useless thoughts

Up all night

I'll have to

Take or leave them

Up all night

Thinking these

Useless thoughts

Up all night

I think I'm ready to leave these thoughts behind