The Worst Pies in London

Wait, what's your rush? What's your hurry?

You gave me such a fright, I thought you was a ghost

Half a minute, can't you sit, sit you down, sit

All I meant is that I haven't seen a customer for weeks

Did you come here for a pie, sir?

Do forgive me if me head's a little vague, ugh!

What is that?

But you think we had the plague

From the way that people keep avoiding

No, you don't

Heaven knows I try, sir!

But there's no one comes in even to inhale

Right you are, sir, would you like a drop of ale?

Mind you, I can hardly blame them

These are probably the worst pies in London

I know why nobody cares to take them

I should know, I make them, but good? No!

The worst pies in London

Even that's polite the worst pies in London

If you doubt it, take a bite

Is that just disgusting?

You have to concede it

It's nothing but crusting

Here, drink this, you'll need it

The worst pies in London

And no wonder with the price of meat

What it is? When you get it? Never

Thought I'd live to see the day

Men'd think it was a treat

Findin' poor animals

Wot are dyin' in the street

Mrs. Mooney has a pie shop

Does a business but I notice somethin' weird

Lately all her neighbors' cats have disappeared

Have to hand it to her, wot I calls

Enterprise poppin' pussies into pies!

Wouldn't do in my shop

Just the thought of it's enough to make you sick

And I'm tellin' you, them pussycats is quick

No denyin' times is hard, sir

Even harder than the worst pies in London

Only lard and nothing more

Is that just revolting

All greasy and gritty?

It looks like it's molting

And tastes like, well, pity

A woman alone with limited wind

And the worst pies in London

Ah, sir, times is hard