Masturbation

Hey, it's just masturbation

I don't see the harm in it, right?

Everybody masturbates, even the ladies do it

They have a different term for it

They call it a "long hot bath"

But really, I've never seen anyone take a bath

Wth their ass in the air

And the back end of a hairbrush in their cooch

But what do I know?, I was raised with brothers

I have a black belt in masturbation

I am the Jean-Claude Van hand of masturbation, I'm good

If you ever get caught masturbating, you have to say something

You can't just keep going, no one's that good

Not even The Fonz

Do what I do, first look surprised

And don't worry, you will be surprised

"Huh?"

Then say this, "quick get some help

My hand and dick are fighting

Please, my other hand is distracting my balls the way I like it

Get some help, a hot towel, a chicken burrito

I'm getting very sleepy"

You're a good crowd about it

'Cause I did that joke one time

And this woman stands up and goes

"Masturbation, that's so unromantic"

I'm very romantic when I masturbate

I light a candle, then I try and shoot it out

It's like a carnival

Never invite me to a birthday

Yes

Well, I gotta be going, this is fun

Well, where were you the last hour?