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When I was a kid they wanted us to write down
What it'd be like to be Santa Claus for a day
And I was just a toddler when I writ this
Four years old, I still got the paper here
Says "Santa for a Day" by Larry the Cable Guy, fourth grade
I was in a red suit on a wagon full of hay
I wasn't getting laid, I was Santa for the day
We paraded down the street, I was tossing candy away
And rubbers and dirty books, I was Santa for a day
I was drinking Miller Lite, belching ABCs and threw up a J
But nobody cared 'cause I was Santa for the day
After the parade I went down to strip bars with Dean, Wayne and Ray
And girls sat on my lap 'cause I was Santa for the day
A cop pulled me over for driving backwards on the highway
Singing "Jingle All the Way" but I didn't get no ticket
'Cause I was Santa for a day
That's good
I threw rocks at illegal immigrants and picked on gays
But they didn't mind 'cause I was Santa for a day
Boy that's good, this is good right here
I was wrong for what I did, to the Lord I'll have to pray
But the Lord'll forgive me 'cause I'm Santa for the day
I give a girl a titty twister, I think her name was Shay
But she thought I was cool anyway 'cause I was Santa for a day
Boy if I don't bring a tear to your eye then
We need to get the hell out of the country
Get 'er done
Sorry