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Going to the Fair

Bill Engvall•Audio Oficial (YouTube API)

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Had a good year. Played a lot of state fairs and I got a

Little tip for you. You're ever feeling down about yourself?

Go to a state fair and just look around, boy. Woo hoo!

I saw people that could be their own dad, and wearing clothes I

Wouldn't have picked dog mess out of a yard in, to be honest with

You. We went to the Iowa State Fair. They had a six foot statue of

Garth Brooks carved out of butter. Somebody's got a little time on

Their hands. Where do you realize you got that ability for butter

Carving? Does it start at the dinner table? "Hey mama, that's

A damn fine dog you carved out of the butter bar there." And

My question is why? Why would you do this? 'Cause all they're

Gonna do is just melt it down and nobody's gonna believe you

You'll be at a party somewhere bragging about it. "I carved

A six foot statue of Garth Brooks out of butter." "You liar

" "I sure did." "Well, where is it?" "Well, they uh, they melted

It down. Poured it on that popcorn statue of Alan Jackson."

And the stuff they sell at a state fair just blows my mind

There was a guy selling rocks with two eyes and a smile painted

On it. Now how many people you think walked by his booth and

Went, "Honey, we ain't got one smiling rock at our house."

Another guy was selling blow guns for kids, but they were real blow

Guns with little metal darts. And I walked up to him, I go "Man

How can you sell these to kids?" He looked me right in the eye and

He goes, "Hey, we give 'em a Styrofoam target." "Okay." We all

Know that's the first place a kid's gonna point that blow gun is

That Styrofoam target. "I don't think so, grandma's fat butt." Pshh!

Now they're selling spas at the fair. When did that become an

Impulse buy? What are you at the fair? "Well, we've had a good day

At the fair. Kids got their blow guns and well, we got that case

Of smiling rocks for the garden. What the hell, let's get a spa."

Have you walked through the spa section of the fair? Man, those

People are intense. I was cutting through the spa section

I glanced at this spa, I hear this, "Hey hey hey hey! Saw you

Looking at that spa!" "Well yeah, I looked at it. I'd have walked

Right into it if I hadn't looked at it." "Yeah, you can say what

You want, but I think you like that spa. What's your name?" Now if

They get your name, you're dead. So I go, "Look man, I gotta go."

And he goes, "Come on, what's your name?" I said, "My name's Bill

" And he goes, "You know when you were walking through here I said

To myself, that boy right there looks like a Bill. Well Bill, my

Name's Bob. They call me Giveaway Bob, I'm just giving them away."

I said, "Well, put it in the truck

Bob. Don't even bother draining it."

Then we went to the Minnesota State Fair and I saw this woman, God

Bless her heart, she must have weighed 1500 pounds. The weight

Guessing guy went, "No. You don't want me hollering that number out

" And you know what? It wasn't that she was big, 'cause big doesn't

Bother me. What bothered me is in one hand she's got a funnel cake

With every condiment known to man on it. Mustard, mayonnaise, dirt

From the ground was on this thing. In her mouth she's holding a

Burrito like a cigarette. And in her other hand she's

Got a roasted ear of corn. I'm looking at her thinking

"Good lord. If you look like that, don't go to a fair and

Eat like that." 'Cause there wasn't one person at that fair

Thinking, "Oh, I bet she's just got a thyroid problem."

And hanging onto her was this little skinny ass 80 pound

Man, just begging for scraps. "You gonna eat the husk

Off that corn, pumpkin?" She's like, "Shut up, I'll feed

You when it's time. Now go get mama some cotton candy."

Ensamblando tu reproductor de música con IA

Going to the Fair

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