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I'm so happy that you're dead even though you aren't yet
I have killed you in my head, and I ain't feeling no regret
You messed with my brain all these goddamn years
Now I'm smothered by the tears, all my anxieties and fears
Yeah
I'm stuck picking through all the emotional remains
All the memories torn out 'n' left on hanging in the frames
Oh, you love hurting people, you love tearing them down
You're such an intricate gaslighter and you wear it like a crown
You don't question yourself - others get all the blame
In your brain the human race exists to serve for your gain
Never said sorry never backed down
Never doubted never questioned never thought
You could be wrong in what you've done
Come on tell me I'm insane
Well it's entirely your game
I've been maimed, restrained, ashamed of bearing my name
Come on tell me I'm to blame - yeah, right, сука
I am guilty that I stuck with you for longer than I shoulda
Psychological abuse can hurt as bad as physical
When inflicted day by day the damage can be unbelievable
I've been listed all conditions to the unconditional
Asked permissions, felt deficient, taking space was criminal
My life's a mess, yes, I'm blaming you for this stress
Can never rest always depressed
Years spent obsessed with proving to you I'm the best
I was part of your plan, not a soul you raised
Just a face on the picture, a façade to be praised
A trophy on your shelf, for the world to see
But you never gave a damn about the real me
Ticked the box off your list that you called 'family made'
Then you got pissed that I exist when the effort didn't trade
Every win I ever had, you always brushed it aside
Like nothing I could ever gain would ever leave you satisfied
All I wanted was to make you proud
But your silence - hit harder than you yelling out loud
Your claim for excellence left me feeling worthless
Your questioning my actions made me permanently nervous
Know this -
You didn't break my heart you broke my spirit
By destroying who I am and pushing my self-hate
And doubt to the limit
My brain is a warzone where your voice has stayed
The universe of twisted truths and curses you created
Will forever remain
All this time I wondered why I'm not worth something better
I've been reduced to a sole function that is just to cater
To someone to the point that I'm not allowed to exist
This is the time when I say NO and I raise my fist!
Now you remember this bitch
You failed not me
I deserve to be loved
I deserve to be who I want to be
No more silence, no more lies on the shelf
I am done shutting up and always blaming myself
I won't tolerate your voice berating me any more
You'll never learn so now it's up to me to settle the scores
I don't need you to stay alive
You don't know how much I have been able to survive
I strike you out you don't belong in my life
And you know, I've
Portrayed... you dying... in my dreams
Even though you haven't passed I'm happy that you're dead to me