All This Time

I've been trying hard to come to terms with who I am

I've been trying every fucking day since God knows when

I've been trying to ignore the demons dwelling in my brain

It's harder than you think

I've been hiding in the shadow of the prison that I built

I've been hiding behind walls of my continental guilt

I've been hiding behind metal bars, I've put myself in chains

They're stronger than you think

Can you raise your hand and say

The darkness will be gone

There's hope no matter what for each

And every single one

Look me in the eye and promise me

I'm not going insane

Sometimes I remember what you said

"Your sense of self is just a rope of sand

That's twisting with your head"

Despite of all the things you are

Despite of everything you've got

All this time you are defined by what you're not

All this time you are defined by what you're not

All this time you are defined by what you're not

I've been searching for a home, afraid that I would fall apart

I've been searching for a place where I can rest my hungry heart

I've been searching for a refuge from the wilderness and storm

Although it's rougher than you think

But I've got a history of bad choices that caused me and others pain

I never learn from my mistakes, I make them time and time again

Seems I prefer the cold when someone tries and keep me warm

It's darker than you think

Telling jokes to distract you from my insecurities

I laugh when I feel like crying, afraid that anyone can see

The man behind the mask, my heavy crown of thorns

Sometimes it appears reappeared to me

That I'm haunted by illusions of what I think I should be

And despite of all the things I am

Despite of everything I've got

All this time I am defined by what I'm not

All this time I am defined by what I'm not

All this time I am defined by what I'm not

I struggle with the difference between what is and what am I