The Old-Timer

I'm an old-timer

I'm an excellent rhymer

I'll sing you a song of the sights I have seen

'Tis late in December

But well I remember

The springtime of youth when the world was so green

I was born a hundred thousand years ago

There ain't nothin' in this world that I don't know

There's no place that I ain't been

'Round the world and back again

And I'll whup the man who says it isn't so

In the dawn of civilization I recall

My cave had bearskin carpets wall to wall

We were quite the social group

I was friends with Ally Oop

And a charming fellow named Neanderthal, yes

I knew Adam and Eve before they knew the score

It was I designed the fig leaves that they wore

And behind the bushes kneelin'

Saw the apple they was peelin'

And I swear that I'm the chap who ate the core

I was born a hundred thousand years ago

There ain't nothin' in this world that I don't know

There's no place that I ain't been

'Round the world and back again

And I'll whup the man who says it isn't so

Took a trip with Cleopatra down the Nile

Yes, we dated off and on for quite a while

And for King Tut's little kiddies

I built all the pyramides

And I represented Caesar at his trial

Mister Nero was a personal friend of mine

The way he played the fiddle was divine

I went by invitation to a Roman celebration

And ended up with ashes in my wine

I was born a hundred thousand years ago

There ain't nothin' in this world that I don't know

There's no place that I ain't been

'Round the world and back again

And I'll whup the man who says it isn't so

I'll tell you how America came to be

I went sailin' with Columbus 'cross the sea

He got sick the day we landed

And he went home empty-handed

By rights the whole dern place belongs to me

I know much more than any book can tell