Holding onto You

I was fine till you said my name

Like it still belonged to you

I keep my calm, but my hands shake

Guess I never outgrew the truth

I tell myself I'm stronger now

But that lie wears thin at night

Every step that I took without you

Still somehow leads to your side

I replay words I didn't say

They echo louder every day

I learned too late what love can cost

Now I'm counting everything I lost

I'm still holding onto you

Like a habit I can't shake

I'm still hoping you feel it too

Even if it comes too late

I breathe you in, I fade you out

But you never really leave

I'm still holding onto you

And it's killing me to see

I see you happy in another life

Like I'm watching through a screen

I smile back, say I'm alright

But you know what that means

I said things I can't rewind

I let my fear decide

Now I'm living with the weight

Of the nights I chose my pride

If I could stand in front of you

I'd say the things I never proved

I was scared of losing control

So I let go of us instead

I'm still holding onto you

Like a habit I can't shake

I'm still hoping you feel it too

Even if it comes too late

I breathe you in, I fade you out

But you never really leave

I'm still holding onto you

And it's killing me to see

Maybe love's not meant to stay

Maybe it's a scar we keep

I carry you in quieter ways

In every promise that I break

If I'm honest, I still pray

You remember me with grace

Not as someone who gave up

But someone who was afraid

I'm still holding onto you

But I'm learning how to breathe

I'm still breaking every truth

That keeps you haunting me

If loving you's a losing game