The Uptown Poker Club

Well now, Bill Jackson was a poor dud

That joined the uptown poker club

And he cursed the day he ever told anybody he'd joined

'Cause his money used to go like it had wings

When he had queens, somebody else had kings

And every night he'd just sit there donatin' all his coins

He said "Boys, now I'm gonna play it right tonight

I'm gonna watch them cards and I'm gonna play 'em tight

And then when I come in there son, my hand's gonna be a peach"

Well, he played 'em tight, but after a while

He done lost hisself a considerable pile

So he got mad and he stood up and he made this little speech

"Now boys, you see this raiser?

Well, I had it sharpened just today

Now I'm comin' in here with my rules

That everybody gonna follow when they play

Now you, Clyde

You keep your hands on top of the table when you're dealin', please

Quit takin' them little wild cards

And stickin' 'em down there between your knees

And Jesse

Quit makin' all them funny signs like you tryin' to tip off your hand

You better talk to me in American, son

American, so's I can understand

And Leroy

Quit takin' 'em off at the bottom, oh, that's rough

Just take five off the top, then stop, that's enough

Now pass me them cards, son

Let me cut on them things every time before you deal

I like to handle them things, boy, I like to see

'Cause I got news for you lads

You ain't playin' this game according to that fella Harley, uh uh, no

Tonight you playin' this game according to me"

Well, now, sittin' 'round the table in that there game

There just happened to be this old one-eyed man

And Bill kept watchin' him out the corner of his eye

This old one-eyed cat, he'd been dealin' kinda funny

He done took a whole bunch of Big Bill's money

So Bill rose up and he looked around the room and with a sigh

He said "Hmm", said, "It's an awful shame"

I said, "There's somebody cheatin' in this here game"