Real Live Girl (From "Little Me")

Pardon me, miss, but I've never done this

With a real live girl

Straight off the farm with an actual armful

Of real live girl

Pardon me if your affectionate squeeze

Fogs up my goggles and buckles my knees

I simply drowned in the sight and the sound

And the scent and the feel

Of a real live girl

I've seen photographs and facsimiles

That have set my heart off in a whirl

But nothing can beat getting swept off your feet

By a real live girl

Dreams in your bunk don't compare with a hunk

Of a real live girl

Speaking of miracles, this must be it

Just when I started to learn how to knit

I'm all in stitches from finding what riches

A waltz can reveal

With a real live girl

Take your statues of Juno

And the Venus de Milo (Milo)

When a fella needs you know

Who wants substitutes?

I'll overlook everyone in the book

For a real (Sexy Sally or Susabelle)

Take your Venetian or Roman or Grecian ideals

(I'll take one that's more Usabelle)

Go be a holdout for Helen of Troy

I am a healthy American boy

I'd rather gape at the dear little shape

Of the stern and the keel

Of a full-time vocational, all-operational girl

Girls were like fellas was once my belief

What a reversal and what a relief

I'll take the flowering hat and the towering heel

And the starry-eyed squint and the satisfied squeal

And the natural appeal that a plaster ideal

Cannot steal from a real live girl