Saboteurs

One year we flew up to Alaska

All the scenery was gorgeous

And the people all so pleasant what a place

Might have been our one chance

To experience it first hand

All the culture and the beauty of the state

But when we arrived

I couldn't bring myself to leave the car

Stayed locked away with my guitar

And while the others

Studied the mountains and the rivers

I just stared down at my fretboard, pad and pen

Lately I've been struggling to conjure up

A band aid for this problem

That has freshly manifested in my brain

It seems as though I've grown a light switch

Deep within the recess of my psyche

One if flipped renders me borderline insane

It's like ten seconds ago

Everything was fine and dandy

But now everything is fucked

And there ain't no rhyme or reason for my seething

I just wanna be okay but I feel stuck

I don't get to see the family often

Always on road

So one year we organized a trip

We'd take to Lake Tahoe

A place we'd been when I was younger

All the memories are golden

But when we arrived

I found myself down at the bar

Black out drunk and seeing stars

While my loved ones

All played board games by the fire

I did drink myself within an inch of death

I'm no stranger to mistakes

It feels like every step I take

I trip myself up can't get out of my own way

I'm by far my harshest critic and a cynic

Too neurotic to accept that sometimes

Shit is just okay

There's always gotta be

Some problem I alone must solve

But that just ain't the case at all

Cause I got friends and family

But my worst enemy is me

And me just can't escape my head

Cause I was born to sabotage myself

Well that's on me and no one else

I'm a human grenade

And I'm good at pullin' my own pin

You can blame it on my mental health

Addictions, stress and anything else

All it boils down to

Is I'm an asshole

With a loud mouth

And a system of support I don't deserve