How lovely to sit here in the shade with none of the woes of man and maid
I'm glad I'm not young anymore
The rivals that don't exist at all, the feeling you're only two feet tall
I'm glad I'm not young anymore
No more confusion, no morning-after surprise, no self-delusion
That when you're telling those lies, she isn't wise
And even if love comes through the door
The kind that goes on forevermore
Forevermore is shorter than before
Oh, I'm so glad that I'm not young anymore
The tiny remark that tortures you
The fear that your friends won't like her too
I'm glad I'm not young anymore
The longing to end a stale affair until you find out she doesn't care
I'm glad that I'm not young anymore
No more frustration, no star-crossed lover am I, no aggravation
Just one reluctant reply
"Lady, goodbye"
The fountain of youth is dull as paint
Methuselah is my patron saint
I've never been so comfortable before
I'm so glad that I'm not young anymore