Addicted to the Hurt

(Intro – Spoken, Calm but Scarred)

Before I ever touched a pill

Before the powder hit my gums

I was already gone

I was addicted to the ache, the noise, the wreckage

Pain was the first drug that stuck

(Verse 1)

I ain't chase coke ‘cause I loved how it buzzed

I chased it ‘cause it numbed where my trust once was

I was torn up early, stitched wrong at the seams

So I learned how to hide inside violent dreams

Mama cried too much, Daddy yelled too loud

So I buried my peace just to make ‘em proud

I picked fights just to feel somethin' real

Bruises felt better than the nothin' I feel

And when that heartbreak hit, I ain't cry

I just lit up a pipe, told the world goodbye

Cause that pain felt like home, like comfort in flames

And I kept playin' with fire just to feel my name

(Chorus)

I was addicted to the hurt long before the high

Loved the crash more than the climb

Chaos in my chest, rage in my breath

I made love to the dark and called it a test

I ain't shoot up for thrill, I shot up to feel

Anything but real, anything but still

I didn't need drugs to ruin my worth

I was already addicted to the hurt

(Verse 2)

You ever fall in love with the scream in your brain?

Swear the silence too loud so you welcome the pain?

That was me, every night, fightin' sleep like war

Wishin' somebody would kick down my door

I ain't need a dealer, I was dealin' to myself

Stocked up on sorrow, bagged up in stealth

I was my own poison, my own fuckin' curse

Knew the way out — just chose what was worse

And the women I loved? I pushed ‘em away

Cause love felt fake and pain felt safe

They said I'm cold, I said I'm free

Truth is, I was scared they'd see the real me

(Chorus)

I was addicted to the hurt long before the high

Loved the crash more than the climb

Chaos in my chest, rage in my breath

I made love to the dark and called it a test

I ain't shoot up for thrill, I shot up to feel

Anything but real, anything but still

I didn't need drugs to ruin my worth

I was already addicted to the hurt

(Bridge – Spoken / Melodic Flow)

Some of us ain't tryin' to escape

We just want the pain to change shape

From fists to needles

From screams to smoke

From bruises to numbness

From cryin' to chokin' hope

(Final Chorus – Slowed, Bare Voice)

I was addicted to the hurt long before the pills

Found comfort in the chaos, peace in the kills

I didn't wanna die, I just wanted to break

From the pressure, the silence, the past I fake

So I lit up the hurt and I called it mine

Told myself it's fine, over time, I'll shine

But the truth stayed buried in blood and dirt

I ain't just an addict

I'm addicted to the hurt

(Outro – Fading)

Pain ain't just the symptom

Sometimes it's the prize