Nineteen

It smells like Christmas when I go outside

The air is ice, wish it were gold

I haven't felt like myself in a while

Or maybe I have, and maybe I just didn't know

When I was younger, I was obsessed with time

The way each second comes and goes

Not even thirteen with a ticking bomb in my lap

And everything felt irreversible

Maybe that's what started it all

'Cause I feel so much older, so much older, than nineteen

And I can never let go, so I keep a diary

And I want every minute to feel shiny and clean

But what does that mean?

What does that mean?

Mm-mm-mm-mm

Mm-mm-mm-mm

I've lived the last year caught in a doorframe

Tightrope on a starting line

I revved my engine, they waved a checkered flag

But still, I didn't go

Afraid I'd crash and break my spine

And everyone's got their victory money on mine

'Cause I feel so much younger, so much younger, than nineteen

So I've gone back to talking to my childhood fantasies

Breathing on a bucket list or waiting for a shove

Don't wanna become another "could've"

Ah-ah-ah, ah-ah

Ah-ah, ah-ah, Ah-ah, ah-ah

Ah-ah, ah-ah, Ah-ah, ah-ah

Ah-ah, ah-ah, Ah-ah, ah-ah

Ah-ah, ah-ah, Ah-ah, ah-ah

Ah-ah, ah-ah, Ah-ah, ah-ah

Mm-mm-mm

Ah-ah, ah-ah

Ah-ah