I Didn’t Use To

I made a rule when I was 19

That for a year I wouldn't lie

I didn't have a guilty conscience

So I made one over time

I thought for sure that was a process

That we all went through in life

I was embarrassed when I found out that it's not

At 25, I watched a love I thought was real

Get up and go without a word

At worse, I rested on my laurels

At best, her morals were absurd

I saw our future like something I could

Program into one that she deserved

But I'm doing my best (oh-oh-oh)

Yeah, I'm doing my best

It's all I have left

I think I was made wrong

I didn't use to

I think I was made wrong

But I didn't use to

Am I staying too late?

Am I talking too much?

Was I better off before I knew whether I was?

I think I was made wrong

But I didn't use to

I am capable

I stand six feet high

I hold records in sports

My range is four octaves wide

I am capable

Yeah, I can do it myself

Every note, every frame, every pixel, what else

I crochet in half double

I type moderately fast

I can parallel-park with my arms behind my back

Who's next? Let me at 'em

I don't care, I got all night

I am flawed, I'm a fraud

I am whatever you like

I want everything and nothing

I want silence

I want time

I want mansions

I want social housing

I want to provide

I want emotional stability

I want back my two best friends

I want a proper diagnosis

But I can't afford the test

I am doing my best

I think I was made wrong

I didn't use to

I think I was made wrong

But I didn't use to

Am I staying too late?

Am I talking too much?