The Report

Mr. President, I have the report on the conditions in the prison

Just as you requested

This ought to debunk all the baseless claims

That the women are being mistreated

Good, I trust I won't be disappointed?

No, sir

Oh, God! What is it?

We are providing the ladies with excellent care

A doctor came and dragged me out of my bed

Their treatment includes artificial feeding

He smiled, and said that I must be fed

The ladies receive it without resistance

I turned and twisted all I could

But they threw me on my back

And strapped in my arms and legs

There is no force necessary

They tried to pry my mouth open with pliers

And I tried to clench my teeth shut

But they shoved the tube down my throat

Up my nose

The ladies are offered fresh milk and eggs

They pour raw eggs through the tube to my gut

They experience no discomfort

Everything went black

I didn't know where to breathe from

The ladies are the picture of health

They withdrew the tube and I bled

Out my nose, out my mouth

So much blood

Then they leave me there, very sick

Choking, gagging all night long

The ladies are nourished by three meals a day

We are forcibly fed three times a day

I must say, they take this well

Don't let them tell you we take this well

Don't let them tell you we take this well

In conclusion, the ladies are well taken care of

And all rumors in the press of physical abuse are entirely false

But Sir

The problem remains of what to do with their leader, Alice Paul

They took Alice away

Will not tell us where

Have not seen her in days

I'm terribly worried

Someone ought to commit her to an asylum

She does exhibit symptoms of hysteria

Such as verbal displays of opinions in public

Failure to marry and conceive