Emergency

I feel my pulse in my teeth, in my hands, in my throat

Every quiet second feels like a warning note

Nothing's really wrong, but it feels like it is

Every tiny moment turns into "what-ifs"

Did I say too much or not enough?

Replay every word like a crime scene cut

"Did I lock the door? Did I send that file?"

Check it again just to breathe for a while

There's a loose thread in my head I pull

And the more I tug, the less I'm full

Everything is emergency

Even when it's nothing, it terrifies me

Heartbeat hits like a casualty

Body screaming at invisible enemies

Everything is emergency

Fire alarms going off in my head

Re-thinking every word I just said

No one else can smell the smoke

But I am already starting to choke

Typing and deleting the same dumb "Hey"

Overthinking how it reads three different ways

You ask me out, I say "Some other time"

When what I mean is "I'm stuck in my mind"

Eyes on the floor in a crowded room

Smile on my mouth, brain full of doom

I rehearse my lines, I rehearse my laugh

Then forget how to speak when you actually ask

Everything feels emergency

My brain keeps screaming, "Act with urgency"

Every second surging me

Like I'm on trial just for existing

Guilty plea

Little tremor in my chest

Is it nothing, is it death?

Standing in line, just buying bread

But my body thinks I'm hanging by a thread

Panic hits when they go off script

Supposed to be a hi and bye, then dip

Everything is emergency

Please don't tell me "Just relax, you're fine"

Every ping, every pause, every "Can we talk?"

Meeting on Monday? Cool, now you ruined my weekend's mind

Everything is emergency

I flinch at footsteps down the hall

No one else hears sirens

But I hear them all

I know the stats, I know the science