A Song for My (Ex) Husband

I've had all twenty-six letters of the alphabet

Including all the numbers one through zero

I've had all the punctuation marks in English

Tattooed on my chest

I've swallowed lots of silicon and toxins

So now when you look deep into my eyes

Instead of my soul you'll witness data

And you can whisper your sweet nothings all in ones and zeroes please

But what's a man without a mouse

I've had some plastic surgery

My labia are right-click left-click clitoris direction

If you hit any wrong buttons I'll just beep so

Now my love you have no distractions

Pay attention to me

I bought non-allergenic paint so you could paint me

Up like a Warhammer figurine

I've had my ears enlarged and pointed to be elvin

Or Vulcan in case that is your desire at the time

I bought metallic lingerie to please you

It has an armour class of ninety-three

My charisma score is high stamina higher

So forget the dwarven army baby come on conquer me

And if you like we can use dice

Who rolls the highest goes on top

And every move you make we'll check your chances of succeeding

I can call you General if that's what you'd like so

Now my love you have no distractions and

Now my love you have no excuses

Pay attention to me