Invisible Ink

The more that time passes, the worse that I feel

I must be doing it wrong, I don't know how to heal

Every day's another scalpel to another part of my anatomy

Today my palms are bleeding

And I spill onto your sleeve and

You're mad at me

I yell at my mom, "Can you not be my therapist?"

And hang up the phone, 'cause I know I did wrong by him

I just wanna feel like I didn't lose all I had

(That's too bad)

I cry in the dark and I clutch to my chest the words

That tore us apart, and buried us dead in dirt

I just wanna try everything to just get back

(God, that's really fucking sad)

The more that I love you, the less that I'm steady

I must be loving you wrong, but you knew that already

I picture in September that you won't even remember how to talk to me

And then it's five years later

And there's still nothing you hate more

Than my honesty

I'm kicking myself 'cause I know that there's another me

Who didn't let go and still has you not just in her dreams

And just because you end it, doesn't mean that you walk unscathed

(Hey)

If only I could show-and-tell the scars where you once were

It's humbling to be this covered in your signature

And just because I love them, doesn't mean I don't wish they'd fade

But there's your first name on my collarbone

Nickname on my neck, alone

Then coupled, our first date

And your birthday on my spine of stone

Endearments on my thigh

And your thumbprint on my hip in blue

My stomach stays untouched

'Cause I can't hold down the thought of you

The color of your hair in my veins

Initials on my shoulder

It's bittersweet they'll be erased

Someday when we get older

Think I've got you out of me

Then one morning I will blink

And see I'm covered again

In your invisible ink

The more I get through it, I'm back at the start

I must be treating them wrong, your invisible scars