The Whites of my Hair and Wits of my End

Life, you lovely lunatic, you landed on my lawn again

Barely broke the break of day, but here you come to play pretend

Spilled my coffee, killed my car, the cruel comedian you are

Making mischief, making mayhem, my malevolent morning star

Oh Life, you're always laughing

While I'm barely holding on

Every blessed burden that you bring me

Proves that something's always wrong

To the whites of my hair and wits of my end

You push and you pull till I'm ready to bend

Life, you sly silver-tongued devil, my dastardly friend

The whites of my hair and wits of my end

Bills are building, bursting boxes by my bedroom door

Broken faucets, failed fixtures, what are weekends even for

People pushing, always pressing, testing patience that I lack

While you're watching, always winking, stabbing softly in my back

Oh Life, you're always laughing

While I'm scrambling just to cope

Every clever catastrophe you craft me

Stretches thin my tangled rope

To the whites of my hair and wits of my end

You push and you pull till I'm ready to bend

Life, you sly silver-tongued devil, my dastardly friend

The whites of my hair and wits of my end

Life, you always win this wicked little war we wage

Every move I make, you make it worse with ruthless rage

So I surrender to your systematic, sweet revenge

Raise my weathered, weary hands until the bitter, brutal end

To the whites of my hair and wits of my end

You push and you pull till I'm ready to bend

Life, you sly silver-tongued devil, my dastardly friend

The whites of my hair and wits of my end

The whites of my hair

And wits of my end

Life, you win again