Headache

It's never easy so that means I'll never try

Lied to my doctor told her I've been sleeping fine

If there's something wrong with me, I don't wanna know

A self fulfilling prophecy, a loss of all control

And it's such a fucking headache to deal with

Counting all the tiles on my ceiling

I don't ever know what I'm feeling

But if I get high enough

Could I feel it

Do you feel it

I can't feel it

I'm taking medicine and finding shit to do

Shove it down my throat until I spit up something new

I'm stupid and impatient and I'm skipping every meal

I'm bad at conversation, when I talk I don't sound real

And it's driving me insane, I can't do this

It's seeping in my brain and spreading through it

I don't ever know what to do with myself

And I won't try, I can't do this

I can't do this

Push my body through

Come out bloody and bruised

I want it

I need it

I had it

I should've known I'd lose it

I'd kill it

I'd fuck it up, don't trust me I will hurt you

I'll ruin you

I don't want to

It is written in my body

Can't quit it

Can't shake it