What Do I Do?

Hello, my love, before you hear my reasons

Before I build my case

I need you to see how I'm trying to take up less space

I've been writing this letter in my head for days

Trying to find the right words, please don't go sideways

I'm not writing this to win, I'm writing this so I can stay

I know we come in hot, I know we shut down cold

But I learned there's not a space for us to fold

Learned that we've got to tell each other the truths that we know

Yes, you've been through trauma from the women who came before

Sometimes I catch you tensing like you think I'll push you to the floor

I see you flinch before I've even said a word

Like you already hate what you think you've heard

I just wish we understood

I'm so tired of being too much before I even start

Of watching you brace yourself against my passionate heart

You look at me like I'm a storm you have to survive

And I'm just standing here, trying to be kind, wondering how to thrive

I don't know if it's me or the ghost of who I've been

But I see the way you keep hesitating to let me in

So I guess I'm always bracing for the moment you walk away

They taught me I was crazy long before I knew my name

I didn't get soft landings, I got lessons in survival

Every version of myself is fighting my denial

I come from people who made me prove I deserve to stay

I don't know if it's me or the ghost of who I've been

But I see the way you keep hesitating to let me in

So I guess I'm always bracing for the moment you walk away

Hey Hey

I don't know if it's me or the ghost of who I've been

But I see the way you keep hesitating to let me in

So I guess I'm always bracing for the moment you walk away

Now I swallow every question sitting within my throat

Count the words before I speak, stay small enough to float

Said you felt less overwhelmed when I disappeared

I've been choking on that truth, swallowing back my tears

You want me softer, smaller, easier to hold

But I've been folding myself into boxes since I was two years old