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Bert was sure he was an innocent man
Cept for the PVC pipe bomb in his hand
He was honest and true, never one to boast
And a sucker for some good nitrocellulose
He blew it up way out by the treatment plant
Makin' craters in the earth for the thrill of it, man
Bigger and bigger
He made em fat and loud
Gettin' giddy little giggles from a one-man crowd
Well, the law never saw, but somebody heard
An organization with some sensitive turf
Yeah, they didn't mind Bert, they just needed a hand
Saw his twenty-foot craters and said, we're big fans
Well, Bert tried to say
I only do it for myself
But a couple hundred grand, man, sure would help
He made a deal with the devil on PCP
That meant he'd never have to buy his own PVC
Well, Bert never knew where his babies went
Sometimes he heard them go off out, riding in his new Benz
Nine-to-five, he toiled away
Soldering and soldering, every weekday
Well, at least he wasn't selling something evil like dope, sure
The boss gave him all that he could hope for
But gone were the days of seeing them blow
Traded his one true love for a big stack of dough
So Bert got his wires, pipes, and compounds
Stuck em all together and he headed downtown
Found the big stash house with his boss in the lot
And before he went and chucked it
He had one last thought
Bert was sure he was an innocent man
Cept for the PVC pipe bomb in his hand
He was honest and true, never one to boast
And a sucker for some good nitrocellulose
Bert what are you doin' here
Wait, Bert
AHHH