Rat

Yeah

Just trying to take a walk, man

It's a jungle out here. Watch your step

I plan to go outside, time to walk with the dog

We're both excited, getting ready to jog

Out we go, the sun is beaming

Close the door, we hear the screaming

Short little paws, halfway up my boots

We both look down, you might find it cute

But with bulging eyes and a piercing screech

It's snapping at us, just within reach

You call it a dog

We call it a rat

And ugly at that

A freak of nature

Created by man

I'd like to kick it

From here to Iran

My dog stares down, he doesn't make a sound

He rolls his eyes and looks around

He doesn't growl, he don't want to fight

He's just annoyed by this tiny mad blight

The master swoops in, picks it up and he shouts

"My poor baby!" What was that about?

He cuddles his darling, looks at us with disgust

"That beast of yours? A muzzle's a must!"

I wonder why people encourage these breeds

Is it for fashion or just for their greed?

To shrink down the wolf till it's mangled and scared

A life full of trembling that shouldn't be shared

It struggles to breathe, its skull is too tight

To call this a "pet" isn't morally right

You call it a dog

We call it a rat

And ugly at that

It bites and it barks

But call it dogs

That misses the mark

And it ain't just here, man, I see 'em everywhere

In a designer purse, with the dyed-pink hair

I see 'em in a stroller, pushing down the street

Like it's a human child, but with hairy little feet

They take 'em inside, into the coffee shop

Putting paws on the table, and they never make it stop

It's a fashion accessory, a living little toy

While I'm getting dirty looks for my very good boy

And here's the kicker, the part that makes me laugh