Getting Older

Ionic breeze, all this futuristic stuff

I wish we'd just leave all that stuff alone

Hell, we'll be lucky if we're around in ten years

Everybody's turned into a hypochondriac

Everything's a medical term now

I read in a paper the other day that said that kids now

Are starting to suffer from a thing

Doctors are calling cell phone elbow

Can you believe that?

I called my doctor

I said, "Hey, man, I think I'm getting road rage finger"

It just keeps popping up

They say now teenage boys are starting to suffer

From a thing they're calling computer vision syndrome

When I was a teenage boy, they just told me I'd go blind

Thank God for LASIK

But I worry about stuff like that

Starting to get older

And it's weird, because I think everybody has that moment

When you know you're getting older

And I know mine was about a year ago

My son had gone off to school

I'm sitting there at the coffee table having a cup of coffee

In my hand and reading a morning paper

My wife sneaks up behind me, starts kissing me on the neck

She goes, "Hey, good-looking, let's go upstairs and make love"

And I thought about it

When did that start?

God, if I'd have been 20

That paper would still have been hanging in the air

A trail of fire up those stairs

Now I'm sitting there going, that's 14 steps right there

I know, it's weird, isn't it?

God, when we were young, we finished making love

We'd kiss, snuggle, get ready for round two

Now we finish making love, it's like, "Oh man, Law and Order's on"

And even she's like

"Oh, I ain't seen that one, turn it up, turn it up"